I don’t want to be rich when I grow up. My father wants us to make a lot of money. Our family has never been financially prosperous. I think for about a year pre-9/11 we had a good ride, but lately we’ve been in the red. This of course ’causes a lot of stress for my family, my mom can’t stand my father and he can’t stand opening bills, and we, the kids, can’t stand being here. It’s depressing, we can’t functions properly because we can’t stop arguing. My sister’s and I can get out, but they never can.
Celebrate
Today is The Hindu/IndoPagan festival called Diwali. It is also my birthday. I got a new computer. An Acer. It’s nice. My mom bought it for me. I used it to talk to my older sister on skype, it was difficult to get to work though. But it did.
I’m 18 now, and listening to Yann Tiersen’s Au Dessous Du Volcan. It’s thinking music, the kind that makes your spirit swirl and take you places that don’t exist. It’s a good way to end an alright birthday.
Jealous?
I’m jealous of the people with more friends. The people who are so charismatic. I know a few people who can make friends just by sneezing. It’s their gift. And I’m very jealous. What gift do I have? I can sing, but others can sing better. Hit more notes, hold their breath longer, produce stronger verbrato. I can draw, but my circles are never round enough, my lines never straight. My water color never, clean.
I’m in short insecure. I want to like myself, I want to be worth somthing, but I feel like I’m not all that important. Not at all.
