LOL, I’m so dramatic. But seriously though.
Mo’ Money Mo’ Problems, Biggie Please
I don’t want to be rich when I grow up. My father wants us to make a lot of money. Our family has never been financially prosperous. I think for about a year pre-9/11 we had a good ride, but lately we’ve been in the red. This of course ’causes a lot of stress for my family, my mom can’t stand my father and he can’t stand opening bills, and we, the kids, can’t stand being here. It’s depressing, we can’t functions properly because we can’t stop arguing. My sister’s and I can get out, but they never can.
Nothing Is Permanent; Everything is Sacred
Yes, because nothing stays the same, not anger nor love nor homes nor families, thoese thing become important. They, in their fleeting incarnations, become special, unique. They become things to be treasured. Thats why we should never hold on to things. It’s simple to say, but harder to do. When you let go, you have no pressure, no expectations, nothing. I kind of like that.
This Junk Food Will Kill Me
I got a job at Big Lots as a cashier/re stocker/janitor?, yeah all the employees share pretty much the same duties. IDK how I feel about that. I’m mad because it doesn’t pay shiiiit, but it’s better than nothing I suppose. I’ll still look I think. Yeah, it’s the holiday season, there should be jobs downtown.
Sooo, I’m 18 now. I feel, a bit different. Like I’m included in the adult world. Not by much though. I still feel like I’m stuck in a limbo. I need to go to college next year. Hell right now. I can’t stand how isolated I feel. Maybe my job will help me feel more connected.
I feel like I can do more stuff, well legally at least. Not much, just view naked pictures. Not all of them pornographic, just some. That and the fact that I have my own computer makes me feel like I have more freedom. Especially with my helicopter parents, that think something’s always out to get us. Bah
I keep eating bad junk food, I also lost a lot of weight. I’m proud that I did. I’m not eating much. Even though I know that beauty standards are stupid. I still like being skinny and pretty. Oh Vanity.
Simple Things
There are a lot of things in the world that make me angry, things that upset my mood or ruin my day. Books would not be one of those things.
I love book, I love looong books. Books that take me forever to read. That’s an accomplishment, I can read a 200-300 page average size book in a day. When I really like it, I can read more than that. Books are fantastic because you get to be someone else, you get to go places that don’t exist, meet people who aren’t real and fall in love with things far away.
I haven’t been reading much in the past couple of months. I did read Siddhartha, I downloaded it onto my phone. It was a very good novel, I didn’t much like the first part. But towards the end I understood, why he wrote it like he did.
~Produce.
Jerusalem
“People want to run away from where they are to go find Jerusalem- as if elsewhere they will find perfection… Where ever you are, what ever you are doing there make that a Jerusalem” -Lubavitcher Rebb
I found this quote in the book Spirituality for Dummies at a time when I wanted to just leave. Life was so irritating, I didn’t feel like I could make the situation work for me. I felt like, if I could just leave, I wouldn’t be so unhappy. Anywhere but here.
But really, what kind of mentality is that? So you go to live in a beautiful city filled with everything you ever wanted, but what happen when something goes wrong, what do you do then? Move again? Keep rearranging your surroundings at every moment in hopes of happiness? What if you can’t leave, what if you’re stuck? Then you get to be unhappy and depressed where’s the happiness in that?
I can’t say that I love my life right now, but I can say that I’m trying to make the best out of it.
You have to accept life as it is, make something sweet out of your situation. Make this, make now, a Jerusalem.
